Presence is Enough

Give me something to do! I whined to Iva the cook for the Compassion project. She just laughed at me and told me to go find Mariza the director. I am learning that while there is plenty to do a day at Vila Andrade is not defined by tasks. I am expected to just show up and then see how the morning develops. Yesterday this meant playing with the children, having lunch with them and then coloring and reading until 2 o clock. My afternoons are more planned out and Pastor Marcelo is doing his best to stick with our schedule. I have been told that I do not seem to have a good attitude at times and I think the lack of a pre-planned, task focused day is 90% of the problem. Now that I know that showing up and just going with the flow is the main expectation my stress and frustration levels have gone down significantly. However, being able to deal with and be game for whatever comes up is challenging. Take this morning for instance. I was super tired and barely managed to drag myself to the 8 am staff devotional. Good thing I did because the devotional ended up being my testimony! Thanks for the heads up guys! I also have to share my testimony at the Sunday night service. Seems simple right? Actually got super emotional and am now dreading speaking on Sunday. Please pray that I can share appropriately (i.e. without too many tears) and have peace while doing so.

Went on mini-grand tour of the slum today to see where the kids from the Compassion project live since I´ll be visiting their homes. Iva who lived in the slum for 17 years was my guide along with one of the teens from church. Had lunch at Subway with some of the Morumbi church staff who are all around my age. The two churches really do seem to be two different worlds but I am enjoying the friendships that are forming at both.

While I do feel like I am slowly adjusting here sharing my testimony today brought up a lot of unresolved missionary kid baggage. This whole adventure has turned out to be a lot more challenging then I anticipated and the idea of returning to Canada in order to keep my Brasilian past in the past crossed my mind several times. As they say here ´ainda estou me achando´ (I am still finding myself). I know that a good night sleep will go a long way in making me feel better so I´m looking forward to that but 7 years out of the country has really done a number on me. I do not at all feel Brasilian and I don´t know if I ever will. I think there is a lot of character formation and inner healing/conflict ahead of me and while in the end I know it will be good at the moment I just don´t even want to think about it. Please pray that God will raise up someone to walk me through some of this stuff and give me the emotional stamina to minister to others as I sort through my own issues. Thanks!