Meltdown

I released my death grip on the bar. Even if I did fall after a sharp turn the press of bodies in the bus would probably keep me from hitting the floor. The smell of unwashed bodies mingled with the smell of open sewage from the ´river´ (read open sewer canal/channel) that runs parallel with the road and flows into an actual river somewhere in Sao Paulo. All of this reminding me yet again that I am very very far from home. Today was hard that way. It wasn´t so much the sewer or the fact that I waited a half hour for my bus. It was really an accumulation of many factors. The lack of private space, the inability to get around efficiently and effectively, the fact that no one seemed to be placing a priority on finding a new place for me to stay and of course the lack of sleep, all of which led to a tearful morning. I was ready to pack my bags and head home. There is only so much ´otherness´ that a person can take and I´d reached my limit. Thankfully everyone was very understanding and I am aware that this was/is just a phase. I am already feeling a lot better.

Had lunch with Pastor Marcos who took the time to get to know me, hear my story (he´s also in charge of my internship, one of three pastors who are in that role ) and then promised to send out an e-mail to see what might surface accomidation wise. I feel like such a heel for continuing to harp on the same thing when I have it so good here. I honestly don´t know if moving will make a difference in how I feel. On Saturday I´ll be going to stay with Karen and will stay with her until the 18th if nothing else comes up. Unfortunately that means returning the cell I now use, learning all new bus and metro routes and adjusting to living with Karen whose personality is quite different from mine. I´ll also have to help pay for groceries and do my own cooking. So its going to be challenging either way. Please pray that I can adjust quickly and maintain a positive attitude through it all, or at least not decide that I really should pack up and leave since that still sounds pretty appealing. Imagine being able to get into your own car, go to the bank and get cash and only have the process take 12 minutes! If only...

Yesterday was a good day though. I went with Pastor Marcelo and Rahel on my first home visitation in Vila Andrade. If I had any doubts that the living conditions of some of my new friends were less than stellar these were definitely removed. Very eye opening. Its one thing to watch the ads for Compassion on TV and a whole other reality to step into these people´s homes (as cliche as that may sound). One place was actually quite nice with a proper kitchen, dining room table, chairs and even a shabby couch but the other house was a junk yard. You could see the cables in the wall, the bathroom had no sink and no lighting and no door and I think the floor was just dirt. And to think that not even 10 minutes away people live in luxurious apartments with multiple rooms, cable TV and doormen. Its going to take a little while for me to adjust to my new surroundings but I´m expected to do these visits on my own eventually. So prayers about that are appreciated especially since it is easy to get lost.

Last but not least I started my ballet class yesterday and it was really neat. I think that we will be a class of four eventually since the girl who was in reception at Morumbi said she´d probably join us. The teacher, Noreli, is really kind. She´s lived in the States and we´ve had several good chats. She is sad that I am not staying longer. Speaking of chats I had my first discipleship/mentoring session with two of the youth from the Vila Andrade church this afternoon. We will be meeting weekly and the girls were really open with their sharing. I am expecting two more to join us. They seem pretty mature already so leading them may be quite stretching, yet another prayer request. Well that´s it for now. I have a full day tomorrow so I better head to bed.